I’ve tried to sit down to write this out several times. Each time, I sat and stared at the picture here of you sitting on the bench with Daisy and wished that you were still sitting there with us. It’s hard to believe that it’s been almost a year since you left us, and I think about you every day. I know a lot of people say this about their fathers, but you were truly the best father a son ever could have asked for. Your memories in my mind live on in the best ways possible. I’m fortunate that there are so many fond memories to hold onto.

The memory that sticks out the most in my mind is your unconditional love for your family. You did everything to make sure that we were provided for and had everything that we needed. I can only imagine how many things you wanted to experience or have for yourself that you sacrificed because we couldn’t afford them or we didn’t have time to do them with you working so much. I never would have made it through college without the support that you and mom gave to me. You were the hardest working man that I’ve known in my life.

I have so many fond memories from my childhood that were with you. You got up every morning to make sure Allen and I were up on time to get ready for school. I remember all of the barbeques and the trips to Arkansas. I remember our vacation to Alaska. You were definitely in your element up there. I remember all of the camping trips that we took each summer out at Little Indian Creek. I was only ten years old, but you started teaching me how to drive by letting Allen and me take turns driving the green Ford pickup to and from our campsite and the creek. I remember, even younger than that, going on a deer hunting trip with you, Allen, and Johnie–I took my book with me out in the woods where you decided to sit and wait for a deer to walk by. When your gun went off, I was so wrapped up in my book that I barely heard it. I turned to you and asked, “Was that you?” You just laughed and said, “Yes, Josh, that was me.”

I remember your unwavering kindness for everyone that you knew in your life. I’m not sure that I ever met anyone that you wouldn’t go out of your way to be kind to or help. When I think back on your kindness, I hope that I can embody even a fraction of that kindness in the way I live out my life and in the work that I do. Your kindness will always stick out in my mind.

Your faith was unwavering up until the very end. Over the years, we’ve taken different spiritual paths, but there’s no denying that you led your life according to your faith in Christ. It showed. Every single day–right up until the end. I remember our last conversation together. You said, “I’m going to meet my maker soon, and I’m ready.” You were in so much pain in the end, and I wanted more than anything to take that all away. We couldn’t do that for you, but your faith gave you so much comfort. We may have had different views on what all of the little details were made of, but when it came down to it, I think we both had the same bigger picture of what the end looks like–even if we did think about it in different ways. I believe with all of my being that we’ll see each other again when this life is over.

Until it’s time for us to meet again after this life is finished, I hope you look down on Allen and me and that you’re proud of the men that we’ve become. All of us miss you and love you so much. Your passing has left a hole in us that will never be filled until we’re together again–and we will be someday.

“Love is a thousand things, but at the center is a choice. It is a choice to love people…It is a choice to be kind. It is a choice to be patient. It is a choice to be honest, to live with grace…When I die, I hope the people close to me will say they felt I loved them. The rest of it is bullshit if I miss the boat on that one. My dad needs to know that I love him…And I would like to be the sort of person who loves people unconditionally.” -Jamie Tworkowski; If You Feel Too Much.

Love always,

~Joshua